Article: Why Men Cheat (Elle Magazine, May 2013)

Came across this article while reviewing my husband’s browser history on his computer yesterday. Yes, I still do that. I will for awhile. 

I was at first scared that he read this recently, UNTIL I read the article. For me, it was insightful. Helped me understand a little more.

Anyway, let me know what you think. The comments at the bottom of the article are interesting as well.

Time for work…


11 thoughts on “Article: Why Men Cheat (Elle Magazine, May 2013)

  1. I thought I knew a few things about why men cheat, but that article definitely opened my eyes to a few more…and I’d say the proportion of married people having affairs is closer to 50pc than 30. Thanks for sharing this article. xo

  2. If sounds like men cheat because they are weak, immature and shallow. Even the author comes across like that. How sad.

    Excuses about being wired differently or having different peer pressure are still excuses.

  3. bamboozled1 says:

    I definitely think peer pressure comes into it… Men tend to wanna compete with each other… If he’s doing this, somehow a man can wind up thinking he should be doing it too… And also when they’re trying to get ahead at work, and they see the big wigs swanning around with something that’s obviously not their wife….

    And did you know, when a man travels for work… Hotels will often leave brochures for strip clubs and porn channels in the room? Honestly, it’s like the world is saying, here, do this…. I find it particularly hilarious that the writer mentioned being able to delude themselves into believing they’re bond for a minute…

    We’re told so much about how cheating starts in a bad relationship blah blah blah, but I’ve become painfully aware of just how prevalent it is out there ‘in the world’… I’m a stay at home mum lol, I lead a rather sheltered life…

    But at the end of the day, it comes down to values and maturity, commitment, and…. Being a REAL man. Not some legend in your own stupid mind… (And a clown in everyone else’s….)

    • I completely agree! I will say I didn’t know that “informational pamphlets” were left or “shared” with traveling businessmen! Double standard and proliferation of immoral behavior!

      Real (honorable) men are much more desirable than the fake ones!

  4. There is no doubt that our society condones immoral sexual behavior. We live in a selfish culture, where we are encouraged and even applauded for putting our own needs first. With the digital age we live in, there is no doubt far more temptation for people to engage in sexual sin. Even just cell phones and texting makes affairs exponentially easier than they used to be.

    Having said that, the author comes off as weak and immature. What if a group of men he was traveling with engaged in sex somewhere with sex slaves? Or kidnapped children? I doubt he would stay, because those actions are more clearly WRONG. He won’t even stand up for HIMSELF so how will he ever stand up and protect his WIFE? The biggest thing wrong with his article is that he admits up front he went into marriage for the wrong reasons, and with pitiful expectations. How do you build a future on that?

    If men are wired differently it is because they seem to be able to compartmentalize and justify their actions. Women seem to see the bigger picture. They understand delayed gratification. They grasp the “greater good” concept. If I were a man reading this article, I would be insulted. It implies that men walk around at the mercy of their hormones and penises, incapable of moral action and thought. When will people just take ownership of their bad behavior? No excuses.

    • Yeah, I think addictions are so much worse today because their “accessibility” – alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, etc.

      I did appreciate some of the perspective, immature as it is and frankly, weren’t our husbands as immature lead by their penises to infidelity? Damn straight they were!

      I’m raising two young men and I don’t wish this on their wives. At all!

      • I have three sons, and I will consider it a major accomplishment if I can raise them to stay faithful to their wives. I know that sounds odd, as it isn’t “my” choice. However, I have come to believe one of the biggest reasons good men can make bad mistakes is lack of recognition of their vulnerabilities. For us, married over twenty years, I thought we were affair-proof. It had never been an issue, not even close. Our relationship was good, love was strong, sex life good, you get the picture. BUT. Some things in life happened beyond our control, and he was vulnerable. Our marriage was vulnerable. It’s a huge myth that it only happens in bad relationships. When bad things happen in the future, when life puts us under huge stress, I will know to take EXTRA precautions to guard our hearts and relationship. That is what I hope to teach to my sons, and my daughter. Guard your heart. Set boundaries. Be accountable. Protect your relationship. Be honest about your vulnerable areas. Recognize seasons in life that test you and by extension test your marriage.

        Cheating is something that I believe has deep roots. It comes from some broken area in the cheater’s heart. For my husband it was it was an abusive childhood he never fully dealt with. I’m not at ALL excusing what he did. I have demanded that he work hard in counseling to understand why he was vulnerable to a “friend” who admits she pursued him aggressively. I want to know that he will never again allow some whore to persuade him that our marriage was crap, that he was the bomb and I was undeserving of him and our kids were ungrateful brats. Oh the fairy tales people believe when cheating!

      • Your response is dead on! I really think the betrayed spouse does allllll the repair work and the guilty spouse coasts for a long time. I’m glad you are asking him to work extra hard in therapy. We are not in therapy yet. I wish you all the happiness…you deserve it…xxoo

      • You deserve it too! I hope you are able to do therapy. It does help, although it is hard. It was one of a short list of deal breakers for me on d-day. I was only willing to stay if he was willing to work. I remember reading on someone’s blog…..”he has to be willing to put in at least as much work on the marriage as he did on the affair.” I think there is a huge temptation for the cheating spouse to want things to just go back to the way they were pre-affair. I know my husband would like nothing more than that. He would love to just pretend it never happened. What his whore once convinced him was a crap marriage, he now sees it as an awesome marriage. It was so strange the things she convinced him of!! I was able to conclusively PROVE her/them wrong on a number of things. It is part of what opened his eyes to who and what she really is.

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