Figuring out how to get through the tough days

Well, it’s that time of year where the dates of infidelity hit me where my heart was…

How am I doing? I’m doing great, to be honest. Not perfect, but great!

It will be two years October 10, 11 & 14 (suspicion/investigation, questioning/denial, confrontation/truth) since him coming clean. Happy Anti-versary for us October BSers! Yeah! Oh, it’s also the month of my actual wedding anniversary – ha! The irony! It’s a bitch, isn’t it?

Yesterday, I found myself thinking of the upcoming weeks and digging into the timeline of my husband’s infidelity, as well as remembering my timeline of my own infidelity. Just a year ago, it would have sucked me into a vortex of pain.

I didn’t want to go “there” so I did something positive. While on an exhausting conference call yesterday, I started browsing family photos on my Mac. I looked back to when our boys were little ones and all our family vacations that happened post my infidelity. I realized that all those wonderful memories of being a family wouldn’t have been possible if I left my marriage then. It brought me great joy to look at all those photos and knowing that my husband’s forgiveness and ability to move past my infidelity was a gift. Can I do that for him? I think so, I hope so, I’m trying!

It helped me. I realized I didn’t hurt so much yesterday and I look forward to our future. I found a coping mechanism that pours in light instead of darkness.

Yes, he still works with the OW. Yes, I still want to rip her fucking hair out. Yes, I am still vigilant in my awareness. It’s just how it is for now. It won’t be forever (their working together). I have faith that a change will happen that will help me feel secure in his work situation.

It does get easier. Hopefully it gets better and better. I have faith in that.

As Paula said, I’m a romantic realist. I think that’s true. It’s my life and I choose what I want. I have the power. I’m getting stronger. I’m finding happiness and ways to get through the tough days…x

5 thoughts on “Figuring out how to get through the tough days

  1. My anniversary is also days from the the “day”. The ultimate irony I think. Glad to hear you’re doing well! I will always be indebted to you for making the comments on my blog that led to the other scorned wife finding my blog which led to us finding out all about the OW’s extracurricular activities. You contributed to the ultimate Karma!

  2. Choosing Happy? Oh my we have come along way…I think there comes a time we all have to decide that if we are going to stay? We have to figure out how to find the light in the dark, and the happy in the totally fucked up lives we have. So glad you are doing well, and not still in the dark. Hugs to you on these upcoming triggers, remember that which does not kill us only makes us stronger. We should really join a circus as a side show act of these women who can lift cars above our heads with one hand…or in my case a fat can can wearing whore….Love you my sweet friend .

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