Well, it’s that time of year where the dates of infidelity hit me where my heart was…
How am I doing? I’m doing great, to be honest. Not perfect, but great!
It will be two years October 10, 11 & 14 (suspicion/investigation, questioning/denial, confrontation/truth) since him coming clean. Happy Anti-versary for us October BSers! Yeah! Oh, it’s also the month of my actual wedding anniversary – ha! The irony! It’s a bitch, isn’t it?
Yesterday, I found myself thinking of the upcoming weeks and digging into the timeline of my husband’s infidelity, as well as remembering my timeline of my own infidelity. Just a year ago, it would have sucked me into a vortex of pain.
I didn’t want to go “there” so I did something positive. While on an exhausting conference call yesterday, I started browsing family photos on my Mac. I looked back to when our boys were little ones and all our family vacations that happened post my infidelity. I realized that all those wonderful memories of being a family wouldn’t have been possible if I left my marriage then. It brought me great joy to look at all those photos and knowing that my husband’s forgiveness and ability to move past my infidelity was a gift. Can I do that for him? I think so, I hope so, I’m trying!
It helped me. I realized I didn’t hurt so much yesterday and I look forward to our future. I found a coping mechanism that pours in light instead of darkness.
Yes, he still works with the OW. Yes, I still want to rip her fucking hair out. Yes, I am still vigilant in my awareness. It’s just how it is for now. It won’t be forever (their working together). I have faith that a change will happen that will help me feel secure in his work situation.
It does get easier. Hopefully it gets better and better. I have faith in that.
As Paula said, I’m a romantic realist. I think that’s true. It’s my life and I choose what I want. I have the power. I’m getting stronger. I’m finding happiness and ways to get through the tough days…x