Don’t want to jinx it

I know I haven’t posted anything in a few weeks (shocking, actually).

It’s not that I’ve been having a bad time. On the contrary, I’ve been having a good, almost great time lately.

And that’s what I’m worried about.

Did I just jinx it?

Will the other shoe drop?

God, I hope not.

No texts or calls from Evil Bitch in MONTHS.

I haven’t felt the need to ask questions about her in the past few weeks.

What’s weird is that I’m finding it easier and easier to really not give a shit about her (WHO THE FUCK IS THIS WOMAN WRITING THIS POST? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?) I just don’t know what to make of my change. Is it indifference? Is it confidence? Is it healing? Beats the shit out of me but, I’ll take it!

J has been awesome. Seriously.

He apologized for what he did to me/us a few times in the last few weeks! (Especially since he read that Loyalty post that Pablo’s Wife shared with us — thank you! xx). He’s actually apologized when he lost his patience with me last week (shocker) and for interrupting me the other day (shocker #2).

Just yesterday, he was leaving for golf with our youngest son (Father’s Day fun for him), and I made a joke! Yes, I actually joked about his affair! This is a major, major step for me! This is how it went down: He thanked me for letting him go play golf on Father’s Day and for having a selfishly fun day. I said he deserved to have fun, but don’t have too much fun! I even wiggled my eyebrows at him and said, “You know what I mean [insert cigar and funny glasses with that remark]”. He wasn’t prepared for my levity! He reacted pretty immaturely and said “No!” and walked off! AS IFFFFFF! That was my first reaction. But, after a few minutes, I just let it roll off my back (yes, another step toward healing? – maybe). Within 30 minutes of his reaction, he came back and apologized to me! WHO THE FUCK IS THIS MAN?

Again, I don’t want to jinx it.

Our sex life is still great, not quite crazy rabbit sex, but still off the charts and we are finding a realistic groove.

We don’t have another marriage counseling session until July 3rd (HippyDippy’s vacation schedule and our crazy work schedules delayed it). That’s fine. I don’t feel the need for mediation at this moment. That may change. And I know I’ll get something out of the session. J agrees.

So, my life is finding a good rhythm with all the end-of-year craziness with school, parties and such. We still find time to connect and we still are on a good path.

But, like I said before, I don’t want to jinx it.

So far, so good

For those that follow my story, the Evil Bitch returned to work today. My husband has been absolutely wonderful these past three days and has been extra caring. I’ll have another post about Friday and Saturday of last week, which wasn’t so wonderful.

Anyway…I can tell he’s making progress, due to the marriage counseling, because he asked me what I need him to do to feel okay (inner dialog: besides the obvious? like firing her old bony ass?). I told him to keep doing what he’s doing and the rest we’ll just manage as the need comes up. He said it will be just a normal day, that she was just an employee (yeah, okay, honey – an employee with benefits, ffs).

So, when he got to the office, he texted me multiple times (has done so since Dday week). He then texted me that she arrived (do you hear trumpets? I don’t, I hear the theme of the Wicked Witch of the West from Wizard of Oz), he welcomed her back, asked about her injury, asked what she could do (in terms of movement) and that was it. Back to work he went.

So far, so good. And I decided I was going to be good to myself. Today, I’m working half a day (only two meetings, yay!), did some basic stretching, went on my morning walk (gorgeous day here). Then this afternoon I’m going to get my hair done and then go to yoga with my girlfriend. I’m going to breath deeply and remember that I’m surviving and will be better for it.

Yeah, Evil Bitch, welcome back to work. Take that and shove it up your old bony ass!

😉

 

Text to the Other Woman (aka Evil Bitch)

I have written a text to Evil Bitch. It’s saved as a draft in my phone and someday (sooner or later) I will send it. It felt good to write it. Here’s what I wrote:

I want you to know that I hold you 50% responsible for flirting, texting, sexting, kissing, touching, blowing and fucking my husband. I will never forgive you for knowingly entering into and committing an adulterous affair.

As you go to work each day, I want you to worry IF TODAY IS THE DAY [her husband] finds out just what type of “wife” you are. Oh yes, you deserve a lot of pain for the pain you caused.

Have a GREAT day!

I may tweak it here and there. It feels good that it’s in my phone. Of course, I’m worried that one of my sons may see it so I have to move it where it’s not viewable.

The Bitch is Coming Back

May 20th – can’t wait!

Yup, Evil Bitch loves her job so much that she wants to return after being on medical leave for over two months.

Hubby dropped this morsel in my lap last night. I have to give him credit that he spoke to me about it and didn’t text me this information. He said that he only loves me, there is only me. She’s just an employee. (an employee whore with benefits?)…whatever.

Yeah, and there was only me last year and yet he chose her, remember? I feel a bit numb. I knew this day was coming but I honestly wished she would just fuck off and get her own life.

The timing of this information is great because tonight we have our third marriage counseling session!

So, as I get ready to leave for the office, I am planning on being a little bit good to myself by hitting a yoga class right before our session. Perhaps I’ll be centered and at peace and not totally lose it?

I hate her. I hate this situation. I hate that he brought this pain into my life.

OOOOOHHHHHHHMMMMMM…

Should I feel guilty?

For those that know my fun filled story, my husband cheated on me with a woman who works for him. Anyway, I live in a constant hell because THEY STILL WORK TOGETHER! Oh, according to my husband (and right now, I believe him), it’s over and JUST BUSINESS (rolls eyes).

So my community question to all those betrayed wives out there (and betrayed husbands), should I feel guilty that “she hurt her knee getting out of her car” the week before and hasn’t been able to return to work?

My inner response? THANK FUCKNESS! Sorry, this not a G-rate rant…

Thank fuckness that she’s hurt, that she’s not in the office and that she hasn’t texted him in over a week! Thank fuckness that she is feeling some type of pain. Too bad she didn’t fall and break her damn leg! Too bad she didn’t break her face!

Yeah, I’m thinking rather evilly and that’s the guilt that I “sorta” feel. But, if I were truly honest with myself, is it evil? NOT REALLY!

I just hope the EB (short for Evil Bitch) doesn’t return. I just hope she finds another damn job or stays out on “disability” for flippin’ life.

Can you all pray for me? Light a candle? Throw a penny in a fountain? Sacrifice a glass of Sauvignon Blanc to the Wind Goddess? Anyyyyything will help!

Should I feel guilty? Absofuckinglutely NOT!