Tough week of triggers

This week has been a mix of highs and lows. Unfortunately, more on the low side. I feel like I have to do something pretty major and am toying with some serious scenarios in my head.

Trigger #1 (Tuesday): Attempted to watch Wolf of Wall Street. It was just too graphic, over the top and Leo’s affair with the blond bombshell didn’t help. Good thing that came of it — my husband recognized my discomfort and suggested we stop watching it and go to bed, cuddle and watch something else. He sensed I was withdrawing. I honestly started to get nauseous. The gratuitous sex, drugs, f-bombs, 80’s hair and shoulder pads, and his utter disregard for his wife made me sick. Oh, and get this…my husband’s password on cellphone (which he shared with me a few days after D-day) is WOLF — great, fucking great!

Hump Day (Wednesday, of course!): a GREAT night. Spent it in bed loving each other thoroughly. Woke up with shitty grins and springs in our step the next day! Didn’t make the bed because I loved the rumpled look!

Trigger #2 (Thursday): Went and looked at the Evil Bitch’s FB page – she updated it with a new photo (mind you, I’ve never met her and only had one photo of her to go by from her old profile pick). She was in the arms of her husband (first time seeing him, too), at some wedding they attended last weekend. My nausea returned. Her hair is kind of like mine – she must have cut and straightened it (now I want to go platinum or shave my head), tan, slim but much older than I could tell from her previous photo. She posted 3+ photos of she and her husband, looking happy and together. What does that tell me? Is that a direct signal to me? She probably has searched my profile (locked down), but my profile picture has been my marriage photo since last October (our anniversary month and D-day month, oh fucking joy). I will never change it. Did she post this photo as a way to say, “See, I have a great looking husband, too, and we are happy now!”??? Really, bitch? So happy with your marriage you had to fuck with mine? Anyway, I hate her — I fucking hate her and I hope she dies real soon from all that tanning she’s doing. What also bothers me is that she’s slim – that was my second jealous reaction. Even though she dressed very nicely (I’ll give her that), but she’s still a whore! No matter how nice you dress, you are still a home wrecker, through and through!

Today: Raining and feeling blue. But, I am going to my trainer in a little while. My body image issues are pretty negative, even though I lost two pounds this week (yay, me!).

Sorry, people — just really down today. Like I said, when I’m down, I want to do SOMETHING radical.

Current ideas flowing through my head…

  1. Text her and say “Sure hope your husband never finds out what a whore you are.”
  2. Text her husband and tell him his wife is a whore.
  3. Mail her a post card that just says, “Time to find a new job.”
  4. Drop by and meet her while she’s recovering from her knee injury (which I didn’t see a bandage or splint on in the photos, yet she’s out on disability).
  5. Something that I haven’t thought of yet.

But, I’m not going to do any of those things, YET. If she returns to my husband’s company, then I will check this list again and make plans.

I fucking hate her. And, I hate what he did to me and our marriage. He’s suck a dick, asshole and selfish son of a bitch!

Thanks for listening, now I’m going to put on some Cure and really feel down…