So, everyone, I survived Dday.
Things are going well. He seems to really love me, and I him. But, I still have doubts. I’m sure he does, too.
This week sucked because October 14th was Dday. But, it didn’t suck as bad as I thought.
Guess I am doing better than I ever imagined? Who the hell knows?
He was good, attentive and loving. I thanked him for being great this week and he had to ask why. Sigh…I chalk it up to being a guy. Either he was playing coy or he was guy-clueless. Whatever.
I have lingering doubts about some things and I’m writing them down so I’m not such a coward to admit them:
- Why hasn’t he looked for a job? [Biggest doubt, most painful and important]
- What do they talk about at work?
- Does he still like her?
- Why hasn’t she found a new job?
- Communication: Our conversations often seem one-sided. He talks about his stuff and I listen really well. I’m really interested. I love him. But, when it comes to my stuff, he seems to “check out” and not really listen. That hurts, to be honest.
I don’t know. There are times I don’t respond to his texts right away. Just being pissy at times, because I don’t want to be too available/desperate. Weird, I know––immature, I know…
We signed the remodeling contract and that is also a small doubt in my mind. When it’s complete, will he decide we aren’t working out? Him thinking that I’m finally getting the kitchen and bath done, I’ll be happy with that and it will be a good time for him to leave?
Like I said, just lingering doubts. I’m sure we all have them.
Have I forgiven him? No, not yet. Not sure it will ever get to that. I hope so, but I’m not jumping too fast to forgive when I still have Doubt #1!
Anyway, that’s all for now. Hope all of you are doing well xoxo