So, I am back from a fun filled trip to Bermuda with my groom of 25 years. It was awesome! Just what we needed!
Only a few hiccups and triggered thoughts, but otherwise, I refused to let his affair ruin our trip – so it didn’t!
I’m writing this as I’m drinking my freshly squeezed veggie cocktail. I’m on the detox train to healthy living. Needed it after last week’s pinot noir, rum and ice vodka haze! Damn, it was fun!
We rented scooters and popped around the island like professionals (in other words, we didn’t crash or die – haha). We jet skied, snorkeled and drank our way around the island.
Yeah, just what the doctor ordered! Wish we were still there!
So, Monday was our actual anniversary. Our first day home, spent unpacking. It was nice, but I was a little timid to be honest.
I gave him a card in the morning and waited…waited…waited for something (just wanted a card) from him! He left his card on my pillow so I saw it when we went to bed. I was rather hurt by that. Why make me wonder and wait? I didn’t get a card for Valentine’s Day (yeah, I know…I know!). But, I was hoping I would get one for our big anniversary. His card was lovely and what he said was wonderful. But…I felt a bit hurt. What was I expecting? Diamond stud earrings? No, but something more than a sneak card…
So, in bed I expressed my disappointment. I thanked him for the card, but wasn’t sure I was going to get one. He apologized and then in the morning, apologized again. We both made a truce and said that we didn’t want that issue to tarnish such a great week. Brave face in the morning, feeling better and went back to work (boooooo).
Here’s a list of positives and negatives from the week:
We had a lot of great sex. Yeah, I’m still smiling from it!
He hugged me, kissed me and then said that he was so happy to be in love like this. It was heartfelt and I felt it in my heart 🙂
We spent all of our time together (98%) and wanted more!
We laughed, drank and had silly moments, too.
Just one or two triggers for me. I really can’t think of them but they were there.
I made a comment after he mentioned he thought the cruise director was a bit stuck up. My comment was, “Yeah, she reminds me of your girlfriend.” I meant his girlfriend BEFORE me, not Evil Bitch. Well, this is the one comment that hurt him and he didn’t tell me until Monday night. He thought I meant EB, but I assured him I didn’t. So, what did he say? “Well, Julie (the cruise director’s name, I kid you not….) looks more like ‘the other one’ than does D*****.” Yeah — it was an odd moment. I went to sleep not feeling the best on our anniversary. Rather mad and had a nice visual thanks to his admission!
But, but, but…I knew it wasn’t really a big deal. It wasn’t. We spent a great week together. I didn’t want to give his failure that much weight.
So, this week’s post wedding anniversary is a strange one for me. This weekend will be his one year ago weekend of lying to my face. And next Tuesday will be Dday. I’m filled with trepidation but it’s manageable. Honestly, I’m better than I thought I would be. But, I do feel anxious. Waiting for that other shoe…
I’m not over it, yet. But, I am better. I do feel more like myself for the first time in a long time.
It’s still just one day at a time. I just wish I was sipping a Dark and Stormy on Horseshoe Bay Beach!