Tough week of triggers

This week has been a mix of highs and lows. Unfortunately, more on the low side. I feel like I have to do something pretty major and am toying with some serious scenarios in my head.

Trigger #1 (Tuesday): Attempted to watch Wolf of Wall Street. It was just too graphic, over the top and Leo’s affair with the blond bombshell didn’t help. Good thing that came of it — my husband recognized my discomfort and suggested we stop watching it and go to bed, cuddle and watch something else. He sensed I was withdrawing. I honestly started to get nauseous. The gratuitous sex, drugs, f-bombs, 80’s hair and shoulder pads, and his utter disregard for his wife made me sick. Oh, and get this…my husband’s password on cellphone (which he shared with me a few days after D-day) is WOLF — great, fucking great!

Hump Day (Wednesday, of course!): a GREAT night. Spent it in bed loving each other thoroughly. Woke up with shitty grins and springs in our step the next day! Didn’t make the bed because I loved the rumpled look!

Trigger #2 (Thursday): Went and looked at the Evil Bitch’s FB page – she updated it with a new photo (mind you, I’ve never met her and only had one photo of her to go by from her old profile pick). She was in the arms of her husband (first time seeing him, too), at some wedding they attended last weekend. My nausea returned. Her hair is kind of like mine – she must have cut and straightened it (now I want to go platinum or shave my head), tan, slim but much older than I could tell from her previous photo. She posted 3+ photos of she and her husband, looking happy and together. What does that tell me? Is that a direct signal to me? She probably has searched my profile (locked down), but my profile picture has been my marriage photo since last October (our anniversary month and D-day month, oh fucking joy). I will never change it. Did she post this photo as a way to say, “See, I have a great looking husband, too, and we are happy now!”??? Really, bitch? So happy with your marriage you had to fuck with mine? Anyway, I hate her — I fucking hate her and I hope she dies real soon from all that tanning she’s doing. What also bothers me is that she’s slim – that was my second jealous reaction. Even though she dressed very nicely (I’ll give her that), but she’s still a whore! No matter how nice you dress, you are still a home wrecker, through and through!

Today: Raining and feeling blue. But, I am going to my trainer in a little while. My body image issues are pretty negative, even though I lost two pounds this week (yay, me!).

Sorry, people — just really down today. Like I said, when I’m down, I want to do SOMETHING radical.

Current ideas flowing through my head…

  1. Text her and say “Sure hope your husband never finds out what a whore you are.”
  2. Text her husband and tell him his wife is a whore.
  3. Mail her a post card that just says, “Time to find a new job.”
  4. Drop by and meet her while she’s recovering from her knee injury (which I didn’t see a bandage or splint on in the photos, yet she’s out on disability).
  5. Something that I haven’t thought of yet.

But, I’m not going to do any of those things, YET. If she returns to my husband’s company, then I will check this list again and make plans.

I fucking hate her. And, I hate what he did to me and our marriage. He’s suck a dick, asshole and selfish son of a bitch!

Thanks for listening, now I’m going to put on some Cure and really feel down…

23 thoughts on “Tough week of triggers

  1. Confused Wife says:

    Yay you. Well done on your weight loss 😀
    Sweetie lose the weight because you want to and not because she’s Skinner than you.
    In fact don’t even be comparing yourself to her because sweetie you are such a better person, you’re more beautiful, more talented, more gracious, more elegant, sophisticated, thoughtful, caring, considerate, loving, compassionate
    And most importantly
    You have a true and gentle soul.
    You are so far above this woman that she’s just a spec on your horizon.
    Why?
    Because you know you’ll never be dishonest, untrustworthy, selfish, uncaring and most importantly you’d never deceive.
    I don’t think contacting her will make you feel any better.
    Just lie back safe in the knowledge that she’s probably waiting for the day to come when she gets found out, and is therefore living on borrowed time as far as her marriage is concerned!

    • Thank you 🙂 Yeah, I’m just in a low place and internalizing EVERYTHING this week. My husband really has a hard time dealing with my triggers (boohoo for him, I know). It’s like I’m in PMS mode all the time. Up/down/in/out.

      Thank you for your encouragement — means a lot! xxoo

  2. My whore’s a skinny bitch too but guess what?? She’s a whore and I’m not!! I know which I’d rather be!! I love your list, keep working on it and remember… revenge is a dish best served cold!! I’m pleased your husband was able to sense your trigger and help you thro it! I love confused wife’s comment!! I hope our whores are having a really hard time knowing that we hold all the cards to bring them down. Life as a BS is pretty shitty but imagine life as a whore, spending each and every day in the knowledge that the one person in the world who has every reason to hate them, also has the power and the knowledge to end their life as they know it!! I live in the hope that life ain’t too grand for her at the mo. I hope she flinches every time the phone rings… I know I would!!

    • Cold revenge, got it! 😉 Yeah, the phone freak out! That would be a fun thing to do…prank calls. But, I know, I’m better than that – but when your mind starts spiraling, you just go down the toilet with thoughts! xxoo

  3. bamboozled1 says:

    In fact, leave messages with recruiters with her number!!! Do strip clubs have recruitment companies? Lol

  4. Congrats on losing the 2 pounds!! Let that empower you….Something you CAN control….and you DID IT!!! Get into doing for yourself….that’s what I’m trying to do. I, too, know how hard it can be to not give into the days that your feeling low. We just have to
    fight it and keep on going. Have a great weekend!! 🙂

  5. Love this post!
    Funny enough there are certain shows I can’t watch anymore because they are now triggers. Only recently, I discovered, when I started watching Along Came Polly, I no longer triggered over watching infidelity. I don’t know if it’s just that movie that I’m ok with – or why I can watch it – but I made it through.

    Triggers are tough, it’s hard to know what will be, and what won’t be – they change – for me at least. Some are still constants. I trigger every time I see a guy that looks like my wife’s affair partner – bald and black.

    You are a better person than I – I would recommend you expose to your husbands affair partners family and friends.
    A simple $1.00 fee, and you can send all information about the affair/evidence directly into their inboxes – see how much happy photo’s she posts after her husband and everyone knows how much of a whore she is.

    It’s what I did. Took the burden/responsibility off of my shoulders to remain silent, pretend like everything is ok.

    Hope things get better for you!

  6. That’s what happens when they think with the wrong head. It’s really almost funny how the betraying bastards really have NO CLUE what headache they bring into their lives (forever) because they just can’t keep it zipped up. I pretty much have no faith in men -any man – anymore, This really makes you understand their true colors-when we’re exposed first hand to the destruction caused by cheating. And just like the rest of you I love the damn bastard too! No offense to the power of the light and truth (a guy) truthfully when we’re getn verbal on our husbands/men (I use the term loosely here) I guess we should be gender neutral because there are crappy women who cheat on their husbands too. Of course there are days for the most part good too. I can’t wait til the good days outnumber the trigger days. I do pray that those days are coming -one way or another. Hang in there girlfriend -you are not alone!

  7. I agree seems like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back + days just to get back up to speed sometimes. Ah the strength it takes sometimes to keep positive. But I try to bring my head back to the laws of attraction you’ve gotta give what you want to get. So I try – I read somewhere at the end of each day ask yourself what did I do for ________ today, simply because I chose to. Live each day like it may be your last together (lovingly) because you never know when we are called by our maker. I’m thinking positive thoughts for you! I understand what you mean. Somedays you’ve gotta let the bad feelings be gone (if but only temporary) they are gone for that moment.!

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