Black Coffee in Bed

Weird morning. He actually slept in a little bit and I didn’t want to get up and ruin our closeness. It’s rare for him to sleep in. 

So, we got up, and his morning ritual is to make the coffee in his coffee maker. It’s one of those drip versions. I have a Keurig and love it.

I was waiting for the coffee (his coffee maker) to finish so I could grab a cup. He asked me why all of a sudden do I like his coffee? Let’s remember, this was 8am, and I hadn’t woken up sufficiently and was jonesing for my first cup of life!!!

I was flummoxed a bit. I said that I liked his coffee. He said, “Well, you didn’t before, so why now?” I was trying to reply with a sweet answer and he jumped in, “Oh, because I said I liked brining you coffee in the mornings? Is that why you now like my coffee?” He asked relatively nicely, but I could tell he was a bit pissed off! WTF?

I replied that I did miss him bringing me coffee and loved that he started doing it post-Dday. I also said, “I do like your coffee and frankly, I’m a bit lazy and didn’t want to bother with my Keurig.” He still looked frustrated and even exasperated. He told me that I should be honest and go back to drinking my Keurig and that he will still bring me coffee in bed in the mornings, regardless. He didn’t want me to change what I liked just to please him. (Okay, I get that and that’s kind of nice…but…)

I replied that I’m still trying to figure things out and I’m trying. There are things that I like to do for him just to make him happy and find joy in doing so. I suppose I looked weak to him? Not true to myself? The truth is, I want to be fucking perfect so he doesn’t find fault in me. Seems that backfired! 

He’s taking a “nap” upstairs. I just finished vacuuming the downstairs. I feel distant from him.

I guess I can’t do anything right today. FFS

9 thoughts on “Black Coffee in Bed

  1. I’m so sorry your actions pissed your husband off! Of course we are trying to change things about ourselves and some of the things that we do after the discovery of an affair because we believe that had we been perfect, our husband’s wouldn’t have strayed!

    After a lifetime of sleeping in my pj’s, I’m now sleeping butt naked. Do I like it?? It’s ok but when my husband is away for business, I pull those pj’s right back on! I’m wearing heels for the first time in ever. Am I completely comfortable in them? No, but I know my husband likes me in heels! Altho I refuse to drink coffee, even for my husband LOL!

    We are intelligent women. We know that drinking different coffee, sleeping in pj’s and wearing low heels are not the reason our husband’s cheated but like you said, we’re doing some things differently because we know they make them happy, bring them some joy!

    You did not look weak, you looked like you were trying to share something, however small, with your husband.

    I hope that as the day goes on he’ll realize that, because quite frankly our husband’s should be kissing the ground we walk on right now!!

    XX

  2. blue290 says:

    You are so brave to do this type of blog. It is healthy to put it to paper. (Virtual or otherwise)
    “Liking” your posts just doesn’t seem right. So just know when I or others read it, we “get it” and understand your turmoil, frustration, fears and are pulling for you. Whether it gets fixed, has a peaceful truce or just continues the touch and go route…. (Which is most marriages…) you are not alone.

  3. Yep, I did that in the first months after d day. Never again. It’s not up to you to pull this together it’s up to him. Only him. Yes you need to not shut him down but he has to do the work. He has to please you, not you him. He has to make the grade not you. Hold your head high.

    When I found out the affair was underground, made him leave, let him back, and held my ground to see if it was going to work- I didn’t pick on petty things that annoyed me but I did if he was rude to me.

    It’s funny but when you stop trying to impress them they sometimes man-up. Your husband needs a slap and you need the beverage of your choice whatever it is.

    • I hear what you are saying. I didn’t throw him out. And I have been the epitome of a great wife since. I guess it’s a matter of degrees…how much I’m willing to swallow my pride and see where this goes. TIme will tell. Right now, I’m playing this by gut and this feels right most of the time. Only when he throws these curve balls I’m unsure.

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