Weird morning. He actually slept in a little bit and I didn’t want to get up and ruin our closeness. It’s rare for him to sleep in.
So, we got up, and his morning ritual is to make the coffee in his coffee maker. It’s one of those drip versions. I have a Keurig and love it.
I was waiting for the coffee (his coffee maker) to finish so I could grab a cup. He asked me why all of a sudden do I like his coffee? Let’s remember, this was 8am, and I hadn’t woken up sufficiently and was jonesing for my first cup of life!!!
I was flummoxed a bit. I said that I liked his coffee. He said, “Well, you didn’t before, so why now?” I was trying to reply with a sweet answer and he jumped in, “Oh, because I said I liked brining you coffee in the mornings? Is that why you now like my coffee?” He asked relatively nicely, but I could tell he was a bit pissed off! WTF?
I replied that I did miss him bringing me coffee and loved that he started doing it post-Dday. I also said, “I do like your coffee and frankly, I’m a bit lazy and didn’t want to bother with my Keurig.” He still looked frustrated and even exasperated. He told me that I should be honest and go back to drinking my Keurig and that he will still bring me coffee in bed in the mornings, regardless. He didn’t want me to change what I liked just to please him. (Okay, I get that and that’s kind of nice…but…)
I replied that I’m still trying to figure things out and I’m trying. There are things that I like to do for him just to make him happy and find joy in doing so. I suppose I looked weak to him? Not true to myself? The truth is, I want to be fucking perfect so he doesn’t find fault in me. Seems that backfired!
He’s taking a “nap” upstairs. I just finished vacuuming the downstairs. I feel distant from him.
I guess I can’t do anything right today. FFS